what to write?

I'm not sure why I don't write as often. Maybe because I forget to, the way I forget almost everything these days. It is called "chemo brain". Maybe I wrote about it already?

I forget words. I loose thoughts. I get distracted on Facebook and forget that I need to send someone an email - oh, wait, that is just normal these days for everyone!

I met a guy a few weeks ago who understands what I am going through. He had a brain tumor straight out of left field, right as his career was taking off too. When he looked at me he immediately gave me a hug, coz he knew. He got it. He understood. (And he also loves raw food!)

He told me the story of how he was a block away from his house in New York and could not find his way home. He was so lost that he had to call a taxi to take him home.

"What they don't tell you is that the brain is made of plasticine and your memory will come back."

He gave me another hug and then said to me seriously, "Be easy on yourself. The best thing you can do is be easy on yourself."

It was at that moment I knew I can't keep working.

I want to be at births, but I can't be relied on. I did the final bit of letting go. I made sure all my doula clients had other doulas as their main doula and I found another midwife to share my 2009 clients with me.

I feel like I am being re-created.

I'd like to know into what I'm being created into, but it looks like I am on a need to know basis, and right now, I don't need to know.

Anyways, if I was told, I'd probably forget.