Now I can see how beautiful I am!

By the time I got to sunday dinner I had had ENOUGH of my hair... you see, I had backed myself into a corner.

My hair was no longer the beautiful, long waves that I had had for, um 35 years (yes, the last time I had short hair I was 4 years old and it was NOT pretty). My hair had become one big HUGE dread-lock. And it itched. And it was heavy. It was looking like a rats nest that could only come out one way - scissors.

Just like the mom who has loved being pregnant for 39 weeks, by the time she arrives at her 40 week prenatal she is giving me "the" look that says, "I am SO done being pregnant! Just pull my kid out N.O.W.!!!!" Even though this mom might have been scared to go into labor, the idea of being pregnant one more day was no longer an option. I had created a similar situation, I have loved my hair for 39 years, but now my dread lock was so AWFUL that I wanted my hair cut off my head A.S.A.P.!! I was SO over it! And this impluse to want it all of was coming from my choice! I was not a victem of the chemo, but a willing participant to makea good choice for me!

And the 'ceremony' was better than I expected. Yes, I was anxious, but also excited. You see, every August I go through one week of wanting to 'cut it all off'!! I imagine what it would be like to have no hair on my head, to do the Sinead O'Connor thing.... and then I sit on my hands, the week passes and I come out the other side with long hair. I even asked my hairdresser once what she would do if I asked her to "cut it short".

"Elizabeth", Maria said to me cooly, "I'd send you straight home and tell you to come back tomorrow, coz I know you were having and emotional crisis. And if you came back the next day, then I would cut it short."

So, Rima started to cut it off in chunks. Gus came and sat on my lap for support. As she started to cut it away I was met with smiles and exclamations of how beautiful I look from all the kids! (And we all know, kids don't lie). Even the adults were smiling in amazement at how great I looked with short hair. Finally, the chrome dome I was so afraid of was no longer a burden. The hair went short and punk and we kept going. I finally saw myself in the mohawk that I had never had the courage to let out before. And as it got shorter and shorter, I felt more and more beautiful!

This event was not a sad event, but a liberation! The hair that I had been hiding my face behind now let my face be seen! The question that most of us long hair chicks always ask, but few have the courage to do (including me.... had I not had chemo, the hair would still be long....) was being answered. And, I do have a good head underneath all that hair! In fact, I may never go back to long hair!!

The bald look is not shocking on me. It looks RAD! It took no time for us to all settle into me with no hair. In fact, it was more of a shock when I went from blonde to brunette 2 years ago! This feels right. It feels almost, dare I say, natural?

I've been looking at a lot of wigs, but right now I'm gonna Rock the Bald!! Whooooo Hoooooo!! God I feel Good!!!