"But I don't...."

I tell Dr. G I am having a 'tired' day, my eyes are a bit glassy and my nose a bit runny. Maybe a bit fluey? Is this what a flu feels like, coz I don't get flues. He tells me it is probably allergies.

"Allergies? but I don't have allergies?" I keep doing that... "But I don't get headaches." "But I don't get sick." "But I don't...." I keep defining who I am by how I have been. As thought I can change the present by convincing Dr. G of my perfect past health track record!!

When am I gonna learn that how I was in the past has abosolutely NOTHING to do with how I am at this moment with cancer and chemo duking it out in my body??? Am I gonna step into that present space now, OR will I continue to try and convince someone, anyone, that I am still immune from being humanly sick and tired, only to continue to set myself up to be humbled, yet again.

My friend Rebecca said it well, "Shit will continue to happen. It always does and it always will. That is life. Coz if it doesn't then you are dead."

The storms will come and just like they come, they will go. And I know that the storm is happening to me, but I am not the storm. I have learned to not be a victim of the storm... now if I could only stop getting caught up in the story of how well I weathered the storm in the past, so that I can be present in navigating the new storm of the now.